Getting to know me?

A friend of mine recently asked me to join her for a one-on-one Bible study of sorts, and being the hermit that I am, I hesitated to commit. My mind started generating objections right and left, one or two of which I fielded to my friend. She answered casually, unaware of my inner turmoil, and asked me to pray about it and get back to her.

I prayed and as always secretly hoped that a scroll with the word "yes" or "no" would drop out of the sky. It didn't, as usual, but I did begin to realize that I had no good reason to say no. In fact, my only hesitation was coming from my tendency to not let people get too close to me. And in a one-on-one Bible study, it's kind of inevitable that you will share personal information.

Why is this a problem for me? I could spend hours analyzing that very question. I had a friend that used to tell me I have a mile high wall around my heart. I think she was right. I consider it protection; it functions equally well as a prison though.

I find it ironic that I silently lament that no one really knows me, but when faced with someone that wants to invest time with me, I run as hard as I can in the opposite direction. Go figure. Well, I'm happy to report that I took a step away from my self-imposed solitary confinement. I said yes to my friend's offer. Score one for Christian community. This could be exactly what I need, and I just don't know it yet.