Sorting The Mail

My head is so full of ideas that I'm unable to wrap my mind around any one of them. I hate that feeling. It's like I've been given a year's worth of mail at one time. I know I have to do something with all of it, but I don't know where to begin. I need to sort and process my thoughts and feelings. I'm not good with raw emotion. You see, when I gain bits of new information or experience it passes through a grid of my convictions and principles and when it comes out, it may not be any prettier, but it is recognizable and understandable to my mind.

Like when I get mail, after I read the piece of mail and pass the knowledge of what it is through my mind, I then know what to do with it. If it's a bill, I pay it. If it's a magazine, I read it. If it's another credit card other, I toss it. The rest of life is kind of like that too. What type of information or experience it is determines what we do with it. I'm pretty good with the mail, but not so good with the other parts of life.

I get overwhelmed and my thoughts just seem to bounce off one another in my mind. It's almost as if I can literally feel that happening. It's creepy.

I don't know what to do with the "things" in my life. I wish someone would sit down with me and say, "ok, this is what you need to do about that...and this is how to handle this particular problem...and..." But no one ever does that, and I probably wouldn't like it if they did anyway.

Life just keeps coming at you, day after day, whether you have the time, energy, or desire to figure it out. Day to day life seems to require more than I have to give. I don't really understand why. I mean, I know people feel overwhelmed from time to time, but I sometimes wonder if other people really feel it the same way I do. Do they feel that they're hanging onto sanity and survival by one small thread? If I let go of the thread where would I fall? The arms of Jesus or the cold, hard earth?

There are just some things I would rather not have to deal with, like my grandmother being diagnosed with breast cancer, my mom having health problems, and this inner ear crap that I have going on. I guess I want what every other person on earth wants--a problem free existence. But that's not gonna happen. I have to deal with the days as they are given.

Sometimes it feels like I'm trying to fly a kite without string.